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We're trying to be good and quiet this weekend. Mommy says she's all fluster-ated 'acause she still doesn't have her test results. She says people in far away places gotted their results yesterday, but no one from our country gotted theirs yet, and it might not be until Monday, or even 8 weeks from now. 8 weeks! That's a LOT of sleeps. She's already lost her mind waiting and worrying. If she has to wait much longer, there will be nofing left of her brain.
OH, and today she said she is going out to buy a new carpet sucking monster for the house, 'acause all of our fur broked the ofer one. Any ideas how we can break the new one?
She said it last night when Miles tried to crawl up on her and stick his nose in her nostril. He lookded like he was going to cry. She said it to Trixie when she tried to lay on her legs in bed. She said it to ME when I laid on her sore hip last night. "NO". "NO"? Is that the only werd she knows now? Poor Miles, he was so upset he didn't even come to the bedroom last night. I stayed downstairs wif him, and we taught her a lesson about saying "NO" to us. We knockded all the couch cushions off the couch and onto the floor.
I gotted some good pointers from Trixie on how to stare at Mommy all night like she does. And IT WERKED!! First, you let your human get real comfortable in the bed, and wait for them to start making the sleepy noises - you know, that snorking sound that they make when the fall asleep. Then you get real close to their faces - as close as you can get wifout getting a queasy tummy smelling their breaf. Then you open your eyes real wide, and just stare. Wifout blinking if you can. Stare and stare and stare, and eventually your human will wake up and find you right in their face. This freaks them out. It freaks them out even more if there are 2 of you in the house and you're bof doing it. Like Trixie and me last night. She kept saying "get out of my face" but no matter which way she turned, we was bof there when she opened her eyes again. She even tried the Vicks trick - put Vicks on your nose so that the kitties will run away. But, Trixie loves to lick Vicks, so she just licked it off her nose and we kepted staring. It was a great night.
Oh, we thought of more blogging werds we like:
1. Nap pile - we herd this first at Magoo'sparty
2. Niptini - also from Magoo's party
3. Woofy - Buddah's werd for dogs
4. Shmaybe - from Timmy (we fink)
Me and Trixie chillin on the couch. She was giving me pointers on how to stare at Mommy all night.
Also, please go over to Caturday to comfort Zuleme, Olaf, Brendan, Ramona and Harper on the loss of Silas. He is now at the Rainbow Bridge with his brofur Fergus. You will be missed dear Silas.
Patches and Mittens wanted to know what is in our Forbidden Room. Our Forbidden Room was not always Forbidden to us. Until I caused trouble in there. There is a nice bed wif a fluffy feather top on it that me and Trixie liked to sleep on. And a big window sill like in the people's litterbox room, wif a printer on it. And a 'puter desk, wif no 'puter on it (Mommy uses a laptop now, so she loaned the 'puter to a friend of hers, but then he went to the People's Rainbow Bridge on christmas eve, and she doesn't know what happened to it). There's a dresser wif a basket for coins, which we liked to knock over, and daddy's antique chair that needs to be restored. But that's not where I caused trouble. Mommy has a green house in the forbidden room, and it hadded some plants in it that she was growing to put outside this spring, and they looked furry delicious and smelled good, so I finded a way to get under the plastic cover and get to the ones on the bottom. And I ated them. And then I barfed on the rug. So, now it's a Forbidden Room again. Oh, and because Mommy is not such a good plant person, all the rest of the little plants died. Oh, shur, she says it's 'acause the heater that was keeping the greenhouse warm and steamy stopped werking one day and the plants got cold and died, but I think it's 'acuase she doesn't know what she's doing.
So, we still cannot find her brain. We looked efurrywhere. It's just GONE. She slept some yesterday and then wented out to do somefing somewhere. I really didn't care, I was napping. BUT, she did come home wif stinky goodness, so it was OK. Then she sat and stared at the moving pikshur box for a while, and wented to bed. BUT, she opened the door to the forbidden room and didn't close it for a while. Miles wented in there, but she gotted him out. And then she finded Trixie and Norton, who were being good and didn't go in there. But, she could not find me. She ran around the house screaming "SAM! WHERE ARE YOU? YOU BETTER NOT BE IN THAT ROOM!!!" and then she slammed the door to the forbidden room and yelled "IF YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT TILL MORNING." BOY, was she MAD at me. So, I stayed where I was for a long time. She gotted up 2 more times to look for me in the forbidden room and could not find me, and yelled some more, and then wented to bed for good. I waited until she was sleeping and then ran into the bedroom really fast and jumped up onto the bed, and landed right on her stomach, and then got off the bed. She screamed and sat up and looked around and didn't see anyfing. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Then she laid down and I snuk up onto the bed from the ofer side and laid right on her face. That maded her more MAD at me. She even said, "Sammy, I'm so mad at you, making me run around the house looking for you and yelling. and now jumping on me". So, I put my paws on her face and kissed her, got down and put myself in snuggling position and turned on the purr machine. And she said right before she falled asleep again "oh Sammy, I could never be mad at you". SUCKER!!!!
Mommy's test is over. She said it was furry furry furry hard. She hopes she passes. So do we, 'acause if she didn't, she has to take it again next monf in a Buffalo (oh, she says Buffalo is the name of a place.) She said she won't know for about a week if she passed it. She didn't go get falling down drunk, she camed home and wented to bed. So, we just purred on her. Then she waked up in the middle of the night, and we was under the covers, she got up and yelled "holy cow, it's cold in here" and looked at the temperature thingie, and she says it wa 55 degrees. She wented downstairs and figured out that she turned on the cold air blowie part instead of the hot air blowie part. I guess that all that studying made her lose her brain somewhere.
First, we've been tagged by our new friend Zeus , to tell efurryone what our favorite cat blogging werds. So, here are ours
1. Stinky Goodness - yes, we know that a lot of ofer cats like this too, but Max really got this one right.
2. Purrfday (or Purrthday) - our Mommy just loves that werd
3. Poodin - our Mommy has been calling Grampa Norton and Gramma Trixie poodin since they was babies.
4. Human Litter Box - well, what else would it be called?
5. Binkies- we wish we were bunnies so that we could do this.
We don't know who to tag, so anyone who wants to play can!
OH OH OH OH OH! Somefing HORRIBLE happened to me yesterday!!! I fink I need a new Mommy. I fink she HATES me!! She was getting ready to go to her study group last night for their last praktice session before the big test, and she was in the Human Litter Box room, trying her bestest to look human so that she could go outside, and when she lefted the room SHE CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT ME THERE!!! I was prakticing tub soccer for the cat olympics, and she ALWAYS looks in the tub before she closes the door, but this time she didn't. Then I heard the outside door close and I saw the big metal box pull out of the driveway, and I WAS TRAPPED!!!! I tried to get Sammy and Trixie to open the door, but it was shut tight. And it was HOT in there - the warm air blowy thingie was still on. I thought I was going to DIE. Then, after FOREVER, she came home, and she STILL DIDN'T NOTICE that I was not downstairs to say Hi to her. It took 10 WHOLE MINUTES for her to realize that she could not find me. FINALLY, she opened the door to the human litter box room and I was giving her my red devil eyes while I was laying on the window sill. Sammy came running in and jumped up there to make sure that I was ok. Then Mommy tried to kiss me and tell me she was sorry, but I told her she could go sell it somewhere else, I was not buying it. I got her back though, when she was sound asleep at 2:30am, I crawled under the covers and put the big bite on her toes.
HEY! Put the stinking books down and look at ME! I'm CUTE!!! I don't care that you're studying for your test. I NEED ATTENTION!!!!
I think there should be sink-ro-nized floor exercise for the Catolympics. Sammy and I would be good at it.
I just left a big stinky in the box downstairs. It needs to be scooped. Don't ask how a smell like that can come from somefing as little as me. You're the one that buys the food.
First off, the brats, I mean boys, are taking a voluntary time out from blogging today to stand in solidarity with Gemini. Seems that there was a party at her place this weekend, and the boys went and may or may not have done something that caused trouble, and they feel bad. So, they will be back tomorrow.
In the mean time, I have some things to say on this here blog thingie.
Aren't I cute? I am the original Princess. I know that MiaBella, as adorable as she is , calls herself a Princess, but I have been around a lot longer, so I'm the original. Just ask my Daddy.
This is for Mom. I'm almost 18 years old now. You can stop with the cutsey nicknames like Trixie Pixie Puddin Pop, Pincess, Pinny, Pitsie, Pixie, and Trissie. It's embarassing. And Norton does not like being called Snortin' Norton.
Since Miles did a Top 10 List of why he cannot sit still, I thought I would do a Top 10 List of Things You Have Been Wondering About Me (and one thing about Norton) For 18 years.
10. Remember when you had me "fixed" and I had to wear that cone around my head? I didn't think it was funny that you called me "flood light" and laughed when I walked into the wall face first and got stuck. You try weighing 3 lbs and wearing a 5 lb cone around your head and see how well you do walking.
9. Yes, I can see the air. And the wind.
8. Yes, I was the one who pushed the memo button on your answering machine thingie and recorded Norton and Ralphie attacking me. I just wanted you to know what went on when you were out.
7. Yes, I knew my tail was on fire when I put it in the candle, I just wanted to see if you would save me. You didn't have to throw me in the sink and try and drown me though.
6. Yes, I ate your dried wedding bouquet. It was tasty.
5. Yes, I ate all the rest of the plants in the house. Salad is very good for you.
4. The reason that I tried to jump into the toll booth change thingie on the Pennsylvania Turnpike is because Ralphie farted. Oh, and stop calling me Toll Booth Trixie because of it.
3. I do think it's funny when you cannot find me when you are going to bed at night, and run around the house screaming my name, and then go outside and look for me. I'll never tell you where I'm hiding. And neither will any of the boys if they know what's good for them.
2. The reason I stare at you 3 inches from your face all night when you are sleeping is because it freaks you out, which makes me laugh. After 18 years I would think you would get over it.
1. It was Norton who stole the ham steak out of the frying pan when it was cooking and put it in our food dish. That's what you get for turning your back on the stove when something yummy is cooking, Daddy.
Our Mommy has been going to skool after werk since winter. She is studying for a cert...- cert-i-........, cert-i-fa-kashun test for werk. She says it's furry furry hard. Her test is on Saturday, so please efurryone, cross your paws and eyes (for the Meezers out there, this is easy, 'acause ours are already crossed) and purray that our Mommy does good on her exam. She says it's a 6 hour test - that's probably about 22 sleeps.
I tried to read her book for her test. It was boring, so I just took a nap.
CHICK-HEN? for Easter? MOM! All my blogging friends said they was getting HAM for Easter, not chick-hen! Who eats chick-hen for Easter? I thought it was a LAW or somefing that you hadded to eat ham!!!! oh oh oh oh oh, this is furry furry bad. I'm going to haf to hide my face in shame! And you PROMISED to bring me ham!! YOU PROMISED!!!
Oh for heavens sake Miles, stop being such a drama queen, er, king, er, prince. whatever. Yes, we had chicken for Easter dinner, because we like chicken. It's not a law that you have to have ham. BUT, I did promise you ham. Now, if you wipe your eyes, and stop yowling, I will bring you some ham. I stopped at the store on my way to see The Lion King and got some ham for you.
Sheesh Miles, what a baby! Who's the Lion King? Why did you see him? Did you have Easter dinner wif him? Why? Don't you love us anymore? Are you going to be bringing home anofer kitty? oh oh oh, this is furry furry bad.
What has gotten into you two today? No, I'm not bringing home another kitty. The Lion King is a play, and I went to see it with MY mother today. Now, Miles, Trixie and Norton, you eat your ham, and Sammy you come here for a belly rub and some nip.
GRAMPA NORTON and GRAMMA TRIXIE:
Ah my young ones, you are learning furry furry well. We told you that she has no defense against a yowling double team. Next time, try to get some ice cream thrown in, we want ice cream too.
If you don't want me to lay on your face at night, then stop putting a pillow over your head. I don't care that you do it because Miles is licking your ears. If the pillow is there, I'm going to lay on it. Eifer have wet ears or a cat on your face. It's your choice.
I cannot lay still because:
10. There is much to explore under the covers
9. Your arm pits still smell like cookies
8. Which makes me think about food
7. Like Ham
6. And Shrimps
5. There is somefing on the wall that only I can see, and I must kill it
4. I'm still trying to figure out how to stand on the ceiling
3. If your nose is stuffy and you're going to put Vicks there, I'm going to lick it off
2. I hear Sammy breathing and I need to rabbit kick him
1. I'm a cat, it's 3am, you do the math.
What table? I'm not supposed to be on WHAT table? THIS table? This is not a table. See? It has a little rug on it, so it's a floor, not a table. It's just a high floor.
Sammy, you know that's a table, you've heard me say "Sammy, get off the table" about 38 times in the last 3 days.
SAMMY: I'm looking at the purty stuff behind this door that I can't seem to get open.
MM: I'm not opening the door for you, those are not toys.
SAMMY: And that candle up there, that smells good!
MM: Sammy, get off the table.
SAMMY: What table? THIS table? This is not a table. See? It has a little rug on it, so it's a floor, not a table.
SAMMY: hehehehehehehe. I win again.
Some kitties have asked me how Grampa Norton is doing. So, I went to him and asked him "How are you doing?" and he said "get out of my face squirt, I'm trying to eat". So I decided to wait a few minutes until he was done eating. Then I asked him again. He said that he's furry furry tired all the time, that's why he sleeps in the patio window and on his couch (yes, he has is furry own couch that no one else, not even beans, are allowed on) all day. He says he cannot see as well as he used to, and that he doesn't want to eat as much as he used to. I asked Mommy why this is, and she said he can't see furry well 'acuase of his high blood pressure, and that his medikshun is not working anymore for it. He said that he hates the medikshun 'acause it makes him really dizzy and he can't walk right. Mommy said he doesn't have to take it anymore 'acause if it's not helping and only making him feel worse, there's no sense in fighting wif him to take it. He also has to take medikshun to help him poop, which he hates, but he doesn't have a choice there. He ususally drools it out all over himself so that he has to have a baf and then get snuggled in the towels. He may be almost 100 in bean years, but he's still smart. He said that he knows that he will be going to the Rainbow Bridge sometime soon, and that he's not 'ascared, 'acause Ralphie will come to get him. He told us not to be 'ascared or sad when he goes, because then he and Ralphie will bof be watching over us. Mommy says that she has to watch Norton really close, since his blood pressure is high, his kidneys might start to fail, and that's when he will be going to the Bridge. Norton is furry furry brave.
I'm sorry Mom. I really am. I know you like it when we snuggle you at night, and I know you like it when we gives you lots of sandpaper kisses too. But somefing smelled really wonderful while you were sleeping and I hadded to try and find it. It seemed to be coming from you. I sniffed and sniffed and I finally found it, so I started licking it, and trying to nibble it. I didn't mean to wake you up. How was I 'apposed to know that your new deoderant was banilla scented? It smelled like cookies to me, and I wanted a bite. Maybe you should go back to using the kind that doesn't smell like cookies. Then I woudn't have to bite your armpit at 4am when I'm hungry. It's not nice to tease a kitty like that.
Nope, it's still not Spring here. It lookded nice out this afternoon, but when Mommy opened the door, it was COLD COLD COLD. The according to the weafer man, it was about 43 degrees out then. Mommy says the Two-lips leaves have frost burn on them. Now, to me, that sounds stoopid. How can somefing freeze AND burn at the same time? I think her brain just froze from the cold, and she's gone insane. But she doesn't think that they are going to bloom. I hate to remind her, but they didn't bloom last year eifer. They were just leaves that poked up. The croak-us-is came up and then died the same day. I don't think we're going to have Spring this year. I think I'll go hide under the covers on the big bed.
When you get up in the middle of the night to use the person's litter box, what are you supposed to remember so that there are no "incidents" in the morning? Thank goodness there's a hot air blowy thingy in there that's just the right height to dry my butt. I think you do it on purpose.
1. Yes, I do believe my butt was on fire last night. That is why I was running up and down the stairs at 100 miles per hour (maybe that's why my name is Miles?)
2. No, I didn't realize that the thing I was biting was actually attached to my own butt when I bit it. That's why I jumped straight up in the air and fell off the couch.
3. Maybe I had a reason for standing on Sammy's head. I don't know.
Ham I love it so
It's hiding in the cold box
YUM! It's honey ham!
The staring werked. Well, it didn't werk right away, she thought I was just being cutsey. And then she went to the bean v-e-t so I hadded to rest my eyes from all that staring. When she gotted home, she hadded to werk more and study for some test. But then, she wented to the big cold box and I ran after her and when she opened it I yowled as loud as I could and she taked out the box the ham was in and taked out a piece. I almost climbed right up her leg. She wented to the couch wif a plate and was ripping it up into little pieces, and i stood on the plate and just ate the piece right from her hand. Then she gived Sammy some nip 'acause he doesn't eat many treats, and then she telled me that I hadded to share my stash of ham wif gramma trixie and grampa norton. Well, that was ok 'acause I love them and efurryfing, but then she made a sammich for herself wif MY ham. And putted mouse-turd on it. That was just WRONG.
Mommy is werking from home today 'acause she has to go to the bean v-e-t. I know that there is ham in the big cold box, and I have not had any in a long long long time (mom's note: since Sunday). Mommy says too much ham is not good for me, and that I need to eat my stinky goodness. But I like ham better than stinky goodness. So, I'm just going to sit here and stare at her like this all day. It annoys her, and she usually ends up giving me what I want. ::stare stare stare stare::
She didn't set the beepy thing last night. I noticed that the little light was not on for the beepy thing, so this morning I took matters into my own paws. I started by pushing efurrything off the bedside table 'cept her glasses. That only got me a "Sammy, stop it and get down" and then a shove off the table. So then I sat on her head. That got me picked up and put under the covers in snuggling position. Ok, it was still dark out, so I snuggled and took a nap. Then I shoved my nose inside her ear and licked it - that was just gross. But she rolled over and lookded at the clock - she said it was 4:30am, and that she didn't have to get up for 2 1/2 more hours. My question to her was - how long is that? She didnt' answer, she just grabbed me and put me in snuggling position again. So I figured that I could use anofer nap. Then Miles came up and got under the covers and bit her toes. She looked at the clock again and it was 5:00am. I told her that the red light was not on the beepy thing, but she STILL didn't notice. She picked up all the stuff i shoved off the table, so I shoved it all off again. Then I sat on her stomach. Then I sat on her head. Then Miles and I wrestled on her stomach. Finally she gotted out of bed and said "why didn't the 'larm go off?" and then noticed that the red light was not on. It was 7:05 and she was a little late. Then she picked me up and hugged me and said that now she understood why I was being a bad boy all morning. A BAD BOY? Heck, I saved her lazy butt from getting fired! Some people have no 'preciation.
I gotted Mommy back for trying to smoosh me with her butt. When she gotted home from werk last night, I 'tended that I wasn't still mad at her for squishing me, and I jumped up on her. Then I flipped over onto my back and wiggled around. She thoughted I was being cute, but then I did it. Silent but deadly. She started gagging and coughing and askded me what crawled up inside my butt and died. She askded me if I was trying to kill her. HAHAHA. Then I gotted down and ran upstairs because HOLY COW, even I don't know how a smell like that could come out of a little kitty like me.